March 23, 2024
Arriving on the yoga mat in preparation for a gong sound healing meditation, I begin by doing some cat-cows (tiger pose) to stretch out the spine and feel into the body. The more I move, the more my spine opens up through the deep breathing I’m experiencing on a moment-by-moment basis. Moving into tigress, I feel my sides stretching deeper and deeper as I breath into these openings. Transitioning into downward facing dog allows for the entire back body to stretch out. Shifting to a cross-legged seat and allowing my hands, wrists, elbows, and shoulders to move organically, as they wish to move while I’m focusing on the sensation of air filling within, and gently squeezing on the way out.
The breath stays the focus and this acute awareness shows me whatever else is there. Certain tensions in the body, pinched points in the joints. Can I relax a little bit more? How about the face, the jaw, the forehead? Every exhale is an invitation to relax just a little bit more as my arms dance within the energetic ocean. Every inhalation an invitation to feel a little more deeply as I notice more and more sensation and energy.
The session begins and Ian the host likes to talk about the experience quite a bit. Noticing judgment of how he is opening this space and noticing that noticing. Let it go. Let go of the story, whatever dialogue the mind wants to create. Keep coming back to the breath, over and over. Once the chatter fades in the mind, only the breathing and how it feels in the body remains. I hear his words wash over me and I feel my brainwave state slow down as I surrender to the moment. It’s like a fuzzy settling feeling in the mind as all my musculature surrenders to the moment. There’s nothing left but the now when we surrender our thoughts.
Ian directs us to feel our heart-space. The main focus is still the breathing, in and out, but the awareness of the breath expands to feel the heart beating as well. It’s warm and comfortable here, the steady pulsations beginning to become waves of life itself with my awareness. From this heart-space Ian calls into our awareness a beam of light radiating down from the heavens, a golden, white, warm, ever-pervading glow which lights up my experience.
There comes a pulling up sensation from the top of the head which is an invitation to sit up a little taller but still completely relaxing into the feeling. Thoughts are still attempting to grab my attention like a dog pulling on a leash, but over and over I let go of one thought after another and the moment in between thoughts become longer and longer. There’s not judgment when the thoughts arise, only recognition of them so they can be let go of.
The sound waves begin. The gong is a powerful tool with strong vibrations so that we may feel their song as a bright highlighter illuminating our inner experience through sound waves. More releasing, more surrender, more feeling. The breath is the anchor, keeping me locked into the present moment as I consciously choose to breath deeper, filling all the spaces that will fill and watching them evacuate as they go. The sound waves begin to “grab” me as pulsations ride through my body. A soft undulation of the spine commences and the waves come up from the tailbone to the top of the head. I allow the spine to move subtly, softly, without judgment of what this looks like (although this is a thought that does come up and is subsequently let go of.)
Riding the sound waves through my total experience of the body and it’s inner dance. The gong is building as the sound waves are stacking on top of each other. More and more frequencies are emerging from the highest highs to the lowest lows, all at the same time. The breath is the anchor but this anchor expands into the sounds as well and the sensations they are causing in the body. It’s as if the sound waves vibrate my every cell and fluid in the body so I have the opportunity to feel each and every electron move into coherence with each other, painting the landscape of my body from the inside.
The more I’m able to feel into the temple of the body, the more my awareness expands into the energies surrounding it. The light beam from the universe intensifies but I also understand that it is always there and I am simply becoming more aware of it the more I let go. This is less of a thought and more of an awareness, feeling what that means and not attaching any meaning to it.
The gong begins to settle after the waves reach their dénouement. The contrast of silence to sound is essential as all sound comes from and returns to the silence just as light cannot exist without darkness, the effect of the sound waves become more pronounced when the sound waves cease. A metal fingers brush caresses the gong and it’s as if energy inside of me is grabbed and thrown out through the sound, causing a quick undulation of the spine as energies I no longer need are quickly yet gently thrown out. The sound repeats 3 or 4 times and the effect is the same each time. This is akin to a dog or cat that shakes or vibrates their extremities in preparation for relaxation.
Rubbing a rubber mallet head against the gong, whale sounds begin to emerge. It’s as if the opening waves brought me to a higher plane of existence and feeling and these whale sounds are allowing me to operate and “live” from this higher plane of consciousness.
The breath is still the key here. Being locked in to the rhythmic inflows of vital life force energy is the gateway for experiencing these higher realms of feeling, like diving “down” (within) to rise up above. Thoughts are fewer and fewer, still being acknowledged and released one by one. Times in between thoughts are becoming longer and longer, settling into the present moment actually becomes “easy”.
It’s so obvious I’m meant to “be” in this present moment state and its also become so easy to be here. I just have to stay with the present moment over and over, moment by moment. It’s like riding a wave of consciousness. The mind tries to come in to describe the moment to myself (so that it remembers how to describe it later perhaps) but there’s no need for this description to be there.
The more I let go of, the deeper and more real this experience becomes. This is the essence of meditation, of settling in to the present moment over and over and “staying with” the presence by relaxing and releasing. Just allowing all there is to be as it is, it becomes blaringly obvious that this is our natural state. I’m not “achieving” anything by being here, it’s simply a return to what I “know” to be the actual reality. This knowing is a felt sense, not be described, but to be experienced over and over.
Insights begin to emerge. It’s like I’m having an idea or a thought, but it’s not the typical mind chatter that we are so accustomed to, even if we don’t know it. Now this insight or inspiration or idea has the opportunity to become mind chatter very quickly if we grab on to this idea and allow the mind to carry it. Noticing that this transition of complete relaxation and allowing quickly changes to thinking when the mind settles on this inspiration, (“Wow, that’s a great idea!” or “I know what I need to do now and here’s how it’s going to go…”) I am able to let go of this idea and come back to the breath, to come back to these heightened sensations and the present moment. More downloads will come but when they do, I release those too (but not without “difficulty” sometimes, for I become aware I’ve been thinking about an idea for an extended period, perhaps a minute, and they quickly and subtly return to awareness.)
The gong meditation experience is coming to a close as the sound waves settle more and more. Ian speaks very quietly and compassionately inviting everyone to come back into their bodies and into the room. This is almost a funny thing to say as I’ve been so acutely aware of my body, the energies and the vibrations for nearly the entire hour and it’s “funny” because I never left.
I feel lighter, like a switch has been turned on inside of me. I can sense this higher state awareness and “sit” in it even though the sound experience is over. I can still feel the whole of my body all at the same time as I feel each breath coming and going. As awareness of the room and everyone in it comes to the forefront, I notice I am given the choice in each moment to stay with my awareness, especially as thoughts are coming in and Beta brainwave patterns attempt to assert themselves again. Noticing this, I’m able to stay with Alpha waves, like I’m in a meditational state, yet also acutely aware and operating in this worldly realm, choosing moment by moment to stay present.
Ian invites us to find a moment of gratitude for whatever we choose in our lives and I’m immediately overcome with love and gratitude in my heart as tears fill my eyes in appreciation for this very deep yet simple experience, this dance in the present moment. I’m so grateful for this life, my incredible friends, my loving family, and all the wonderful abundance I experience each and every moment of each and every day. Thank you thank you thank you for this gift of life and the understanding to experience it all as it is without the filter of the mind. I humbly receive and accept this upgrade of vibration and the ability to live in this feeling of expanded awareness. Om Namah Shivaya, Jai Shri Ram.
~Atmaram